Adventures in Felonies
by Sir Matthew Siege Maximarian
Summary: A detective from the California Wizarding Government finds a dark wizard.  OCs; takes place during OOTP for now.
1. The Forest Capture

**a/n: **This is the prologue to a new project I'm working on. So far I have four chapters, counting this one. I'm editing them to make them all pretty for you guys, but for now here's the prologue. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>A man's breath was heavy in the cold dead of a winter's night. A dense forest was the battlefield for him and his opponent. His long black robes billowed behind him with every step he took. He bumped a tree in his haste. He cursed under his breath and pulled a wand from within his robes, "Lumos," He muttered. The tip of his wand glowed a brilliant white. He halted and glanced around. He was the one doing the chasing; he would not be the chased.<p>

He spun around, his robes dancing as he moved. Something had caught his attention, "Bombarda!" There was a squeal as a rat exploded at the base of a tree. The man scoffed, "Stupid vermin."

His voice was hoarse, as though he had a cold he couldn't shake. He moved forward at a brisk walk, holding his lit wand high above his head. His dead eyes scanned as far as his light would let him see. A noise behind him made him jump. He spun around and blasted the tree behind him apart.

"A little jumpy," A younger man's voice laughed from within the darkness, "aren't we?"

"Come forth and fight me then!" The man in black robes growled, "Rather than hiding like a coward!"

"Isn't this how you stalk your prey?" The young man asked, his voice magically bouncing all around the forest, "Lurking in the shadows until the most opportune moment arrives?"

The man in the black robes sauntered forward slowly, "Can you prove that?" He asked.

"Oh," The young boy chortled, "of course I can. That's my job. I gather the proof to put you away, and the love of my life makes sure you stay locked up in Azkaban prison."

"The love of your life?" The man in black robes grinned, "Is she some sort of judge? Where exactly is it that you intend to try me?"

"Yes, my love is a judge," The young man mused, "In fact, one of the top judges in California."

"California?" The man replied, "I haven't been to California in decades."

"Oh I know," The young man laughed, "I was a child, still in school when you came to America. By the time you arrived in California, I was in my last year at Ambego's School, taking my N.E.W.T.S. You left just as I joined the Defense Department in the Government. I worked my way up through the ranks, and I just became a detective in the Californian Auror Society."

"Are you expecting congratulations?" The man in the black cloak huffed as he swung around, looking for the boy.

"Nah," The young man said, "I was just sharing my back story. I'm rather proud of how far I've come. My point was the detective bit there. I've only been a detective for a few weeks, so I'm new to these rules. When I was just an Auror, all I had to do was protect the detectives."

"What?"

"Oh, right, you're British. Well the American Auror's work different than yours. The point is I have new rules I have to follow."

"Well it's a good thing I don't," The man in the black robes grinned. He silently cast a locator spell to pinpoint other people in the area. There was only one. He moved slowly in the direction his mind said.

"I'm struggling with what the protocol is here," The young man said, "I mean we're in Australia, but I still work for the American Government."

"If you go into the woods today..."

"Oh good," The young man nodded, "let's change the subject. That's the song you sang to your victims before you killed them?"

"You're in for a big surprise..."

"It actually sounds mildly terrifying with your scraggly voice and British accent."

"If you go into the woods today..."

"You know, my grandmother sang that to me as a bedtime story when I was a child."

"You better go in disguise..."

"For every bear that ever there was," The young man hummed. He sounded much cheerier than the man in the black robes.

"Will gather there for certain because..." The man rounded the tree where the young man should have been. No one was there. The man in the black robes stared at the spot. His spell couldn't be wrong.

"Today's the day the teddy bears have," The young man sang from high up in the tree, "their piiiiicnic."

He shot a red jet from his wand. It collided with the top of the man in the black robes' head. He crumpled to the floor, unconscious. The young man dropped from the branch he had been sitting on. He surveyed the crumpled mass on the floor, "Incarcerous," Red ropes sprang from his wand and coiled around the man's arms and legs. He knelt down and touched the man's shoulder.

A loud crack sounded as he disapparated with the man.


	2. Escape

**a/n: **So this is the first chapter. It takes place during OOTP, and there are going to be characters from the books, but this is very much the story of Thomas. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>Thomas Pherell Onexis strode toward the front doors of a large building with dome shaped roofs. There were three sections of this building, but they were all connected to the center section which was the largest. Thomas squinted his bright blue eyes and brushed his brown hair from his eyes; he pulled his wand from within his blue robes and flicked it at the door, his robes dancing with his every movement. Floating unconscious behind him was an elder wizard wrapped up tightly by magical red ropes. Thomas paused for a moment to observe the daylight. He always found it odd that it could be so sunny in one part of the world, yet so dark in another part at the same time.<p>

Of course this was because of the Earth's round shape, and how it rotated on its axis, but Thomas always found this fact strangely poetic. He shrugged and swooped into the building, through the closed door. There were people in robes walking all over the place, but that would not be the first thing apparent to anyone entering this building for the first time. No, the first thing anyone would notice about this place was how impossibly larger it was on the inside than it could be from the outside. Of course, Thomas had worked here for years, so he glanced over that fact. The place was much more crowded than he was used to, and he found himself wondering why. In any case, he couldn't have a man floating behind him in front of all these strangers. He waved his wand over the man and turned him into a bunny. With a flick of his wand a top hat appeared in front of him, another flick and the bunny-man vanished within the hat. He grabbed the hat and moved to don it upon his head.

"Thomas!" A woman ran up to him, her auburn hair and golden robes flowing behind her, trying to keep up, "Something's happened."

"What is it Danielle?" Thomas asked pleasantly.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to say," She glanced past him, "Were you wrong?" She asked suddenly, "Was Marnell not in Australia?"

"He's in here," Thomas grinned holding out the top hat, "Think the President of Magic might appreciate me now?"

"Oh I doubt it," Danielle frowned, "I'll take Marnell in, and I'll be sure to give you all the credit," She added quickly at Thomas' look of confusion, "but you need to go to courtroom 32-C right away. Judge Mathis is waiting for you; they sent an eagle to your residence hours ago!"

"Why?" Thomas asked.

"I can't say," Danielle said urgently, "but they need you right away!"

"Alright," Thomas shrugged and handed her the hat, "but I think you should tell them you caught him," He snickered, "and see how long it takes them to figure out you couldn't have been in Australia while at the same time fighting off ogres here."

Danielle smiled weakly, "Okay," Then she took the hat and scurried off.

"32-C," Thomas mumbled to himself as he walked into the building. In a circle before the walls was a row of doors, then on the wall behind each door was an elevator. Some of the robed people were opening the doors and walking into portals that took them to their offices, while others went around the doors and into the elevators. In the center of the room was a large golden statue of an elderly wizard. He wore a large conical hat and held a wonderful, curved wand with a star at the tip and a crescent moon at the base. His robes and hat were decorated with crescent moons and five pointed stars. Thomas walked by the statue on his way to the elevator on the other side.

He bumped into a wizard on his way, "Pardon me, old chap!" The wizard said before hurrying off.

Thomas blinked after the man. That was odd. Was he British? He shrugged and walked up to the elevator. To the left of the elevator was a metal dial pad with buttons ranging from 0 to 99. Thomas pressed 32 and waited patiently for his elevator. He started pondering what was happening with Danielle. He smiled as he thought of the dumbfounded expression that might be on the Captain's face at precisely this moment.

"Going up to the courtroom, are we?" A man said from behind Thomas.

"That's why I pressed the button," Thomas mused. He turned his head to see with whom he was talking. It was a tall wizard with a thin mustache and a curt smile upon his face. He had long black hair and dark emerald robes, "Why the sudden interest in my life, Lawrence?"

"Been cutting corners again?" The man jeered.

"Actually, no," Thomas smiled and crossed his arms in front of himself, "In fact I just caught the Dark Wizard Marnell following the rules to the letter."

"Is that so?" Lawrence nodded.

"Indeed," Thomas said. There was a ding and the elevator doors opened. There were two people inside the elevator, as well as a swarm of buzzing paper airplanes at the top of the elevator. The two people departed along with 7 paper airplanes. Thomas and Lawrence entered, "You didn't choose a number."

"Oh," Lawrence grinned, "Weren't you told? I'm a character witness for your hearing."

Thomas stared at Lawrence, a bemused grin upon his face, "Pray tell," Thomas leaned against the back of the elevator as he spoke, and the elevator doors closed. A red number 1 floated in the middle of the elevator, "what kind of hearing does a detective have to find himself in for a Magical Creature Catcher to be on his character witness list?"

"I'm not privy to this information," Lawrence said lazily as he adjusted his robes.

The elevator revved and vibrated. There was a ding and the doors slid open. Another flurry of paper airplanes zoomed in and five flew out. Thomas eyed Lawrence suspiciously, and then he chuckled as he thought of the Captain again.

The elevator dinged and a red 32 glowed in the middle of the elevator. The door slid open and Thomas walked briskly out without so much as another glance at Lawrence. Thomas was now in a hallway with doors sparsed evenly along the left wall. There were large windows across from each door. He walked past the first room, marked 32-A, the second, marked 32-B, and pulled open the third door, 32-C. There were four rows of chairs split in the middle for people to walk down, then a barricade on the right behind which the twelve jurors sat. Of the twelve, Thomas recognized two immediately; a moment later and he realized the other ten were from the British Ministry of Magic. He paused his stride briefly. Then he continued and pushed open the knee high barrier that separated observers from the rest of the courtroom.

Usually, there would be two tables, one for the prosecutor and the other for the defense. Thomas had been in that situation before. This time, however, there was a pedestal in the center of the room. There was a spotlight on this pedestal, and Thomas' name was inscribed on the base of it. Beyond the pedestal was a high backed chair. On the left was the bailiff. He was a burly young man with a bushy beard. He was in a brown uniform and had his wand drawn. Thomas walked onto the pedestal and the bailiff announced, "All rise for the honorable Judge Mathis Garnell Liam!"

The twelve jurors stood, the British members present grumbling about how this was such an odd, muggle custom for wizards to follow. Judge Mathis entered from a secret door to the left of the high chair. He strode up to his seat, his black judges robes billowing behind him. He turned toward the court. He was very young for a judge. He had deep hazel eyes, and short black hair. He waved his left hand at the jurors, "Be seated," The jurors sat, "Thomas Pherell Onexis, have you received your eagle?"

"I've received a few eagles actually," Thomas said, "You'll need to be more specific."

"I'll take that as a no," Judge Mathis sighed as he sat down, "For even you would understand the gravity of the situation," He paused as one of the jurors made a noise like he was clearing his throat.

Thomas glanced at the man, "Minister Fudge?" He asked, "What on Earth are you doing here?"

"Thomas," Judge Mathis said calmly, "eyes on me please."

"Yes, sir," Thomas smiled to himself and turned to face the judge.

Judge Mathis glanced over some papers then motioned at the bailiff, "Thomas, I am required to ask you to present your wand, please."

"What? Why?" Thomas asked.

"There is the slightest possibility that once I have explained the situation you might attack," Judge Mathis explained.

The grin vanished from Thomas' demeanor. He pulled an enchanted stick from within the left sleeve of his robe and shared a look with Judge Mathis, "Very well then."

The bailiff took the stick and waved his own wand over it. He nodded at Judge Mathis. The judge folded his hands, "It has been brought to the attention of the council that you have very strong ties with one Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, do you admit this?"

"What's it matter who my acquaintances outside of work are?"

"The record shall show that as a positive answer."

"That was not a positive answer!"

"Are you claiming to not be friends with Professor Dumbledore?"

"Actually," Fudge said imperially before Thomas could respond, "he's no longer a professor."

Judge Mathis did not look to Fudge, "That's correct; I would like the record to read Mr. Dumbledore henceforth."

"What's happened?" Thomas asked.

"That information is completely irrelevant at the moment," Judge Mathis said.

Again Minister Fudge interrupted. This time he stood and waved a finger at Thomas, "He attacked my men! Now see here boy, if you have any knowledge or incl-"

"I would ask the juror to be seated," Judge Mathis said curtly.

Thomas looked from Judge Mathis to Fudge, then back again, "What?"

"Mr. Dumbledore's whereabouts are presently unknown," Judge Mathis said, "and as you are a well-known supporter of the man, it was brought up that you may possibly be knowledgeable of where we might find him. He is sentenced to serve time in Azkaban for crimes against the Ministry."

"That's absurd!" Thomas shouted, "He rid the world of Gellert Grindelwald!"

"Fifty years ago!" Fudge blundered.

"Does that matter?" Thomas turned to face Fudge.

"I told you this might happen," A cold voice said from behind Thomas.

"Ahh," Judge Mathis greeted the interruption graciously, "Lawrence Sebastian Picknell, how good of you to join us."

Thomas glanced at Lawrence, "Are you just getting here now? We were on the same elevator."

"I had to stop by 32-B on the way here," He said as he glided into the main court, "Minor trafficking disagreement between an old witch and a goblin."

"You are here to present your experience with Detective Thomas," Judge Mathis said, "How might your insight assist the court?"

"I happen to have seen Dumbledore with the defendant recently," Lawrence said.

"You did?" Thomas asked, "When? I haven't seen Professor-" Fudge made a grunting noise, "Dumbledore since Nymphatamine."

"He was in this very building," Lawrence said, "acting very suspiciously with the defendant. You'll find I wrote a report."

"Please," Judge Mathis said, "as he is not on trial, he is not a defendant."

"Then what exactly is this?" Thomas asked.

"This," Fudge squeaked, "is us giving you the opportunity to come clean before the Ministry of Magic steps in and deals with the matter our way."

Judge Mathis eyed Fudge, "You will find that very difficult, Minister," He said, "I am cooperating fully in looking into the series of complaints that you and Lawrence here have filed, but with no concrete evidence I cannot simply allow you to take away one of the finest Detectives I have seen within our government."

"I have evidence," Lawrence raised his wand, "Right here."

Suddenly a moving image was projected from the tip of his wand. It was on the first floor of the Government building, next to the statue of the wizard. Thomas was there, walking toward an elevator on the left wall, and walking next to him was a tall, old wizard in very regal purple robes. There were indeed talking in hushed voices and walking rather quickly to get out of sight.

"That's not," Thomas started to say.

"SEIZE HIM!" Fudge shouted.

The nine Ministry wizards leapt to their feet. Thomas reached inside his robe and pulled out his wand as a flurry of red jets shot at him. He ducked just in time, and the bailiff took the full blow. Thomas swung up his hand and a bright flash filled the room. There was a crashing sound as Fudge tripped and fell onto the wizards next to him.

"Incarcerous!" Lawrence shouted. Thomas flicked his wand at the red ropes that sprang from Lawrence's wand. The ropes turned blued and fell back upon Lawrence. He fell to the floor shouting and trying to break free.

Thomas flicked his wand at the bench of jurors, and a red smoke rose. He shot a smile at Judge Mathis, who briefly returned the smile before he pulled out his own wand. Thomas disarmed Judge Mathis and ran through the door. The elevator just opened as he approached it. He ran inside and pointed his wand at the paper airplanes, "Incendio!" They all erupted in flames and crinkled to the floor. The elevator stopped once to pick up more passengers, at which point Thomas pointed his wand at the largest of the people before any of them got in the elevator, shouted, "Stupefy!" and laughed as he fell onto the other two and the elevator doors closed. He then pressed a red button next to the door, and it went straight for the first floor.

The doors opened, and it suddenly made sense why there were so many extra people there today: they were Aurors from England. A man with a long ponytail was waiting by the elevator door when Thomas arrived on the ground floor. He flicked his wand at Thomas, but Thomas was too fast for him: he slashed his wand down and the man fell asleep. He jumped over the man and emitted a dark cloud from the tip of his wand as a large black man approached him. The Aurors were casting spells in all directions, and now the American Aurors joined in. Thomas encased himself in a shield and charged in the direction of the front door.

Before he stepped outside, where he'd be able to apparate, he shouted, "Danielle, keep the credit it does me no good now!"

"Oh," He heard her respond, "Oh dear, be safe!"

He smiled and took a step. Suddenly he was in the middle of a house that was very much not his, but he had never felt safer anywhere else. He exhaled a deep breath and walked into the front room. The lights were off, but sunlight poured in through the window. There was a red couch by the front door, across from which was a rather large television set. He sat on the couch and turned on the T.V, "Hah! Check out my good fortune! Pinky and the Brain is on."

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he was suddenly jerked awake as the front door clicked shut. Someone sat onto the couch next to him. He looked over as Judge Mathis put an arm around him, "Oh I'm sorry, I was trying not to wake you."

Thomas smiled, "So how was work?"


	3. Bubbles and Troubles

**a/n: **Welcome back! I hope you're enjoying this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. It's nowhere near finished, but all of the important characters for this installment of the Adventures of Mathis and Thomas should now be introduced. So here is the next chapter.

* * *

><p>Mathis Garnell Liam-Onexis was an exceptionally respected judge. He had provided more criminals for Azkaban Prison in his first three years than the judge whose place he took had put away over the past five years - since the famous Harry Potter had started school overseas. To his colleagues he was Judge Mathis Liam, nobody knew of his relationship with, the recently outlawed, Thomas Pherell Onexis. That fact made his house the perfect hideout for Thomas.<p>

Judge Mathis was in his kitchen making breakfast the morning after a much respected member of the British Ministry was "Savagely attacked by a young supporter of Albus Dumbledore," as their daily news had described it. Thomas was sitting at the table reading Mathis' copy of the Daily Prophet, wearing striped pajamas. Mathis strode in, his judge's robes billowing behind him, and handed Thomas a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast before sitting opposite him with a cup of coffee and a bagel. He grabbed the sports section of the muggle newspaper that Thomas had signed him up for, "Why are you interested in their news?"

"Because they amuse me," Thomas said dismissively, "Check this out!" He grinned, shoving the Daily Prophet at Mathis, "Apparently I savagely attacked Fudge. Tried to kill him with a mean Bat-Bogey Hex! What do you suppose that means?"

Mathis took the paper, "Oh that's not the greatest picture of me, is it?" He said, frowning at the mobile photograph. Somehow the picture had been taken of Judge Mathis being disarmed, but no photograph had been taken of the actual "vicious" attack.

"Yeah," Thomas scoffed, "that's what's important there."

"You can't possibly be surprised?" Mathis raised his eyebrow at Thomas.

"Of course not," Thomas said indignantly, "but I am insulted."

"By what, I wonder?" Mathis mused.

"Are you making fun of me?" Thomas frowned. Mathis merely smiled in response, so Thomas went on, "By the hex they claim I used. I don't even know what it is. Is it some sort of British hoax? Does anyone even take Fudge seriously anymore? Did anyone take him seriously to begin with?" At this point Thomas was merely proposing rhetorical questions, and Mathis grinned to himself, "What kind of a name is Fudge? I've always wondered what he might taste like."

"Do you know why I keep you around?" Mathis smiled.

"I hope the answer is something along the lines of loving me," Thomas said bluntly, "'Cause otherwise you have a large, flashy piece of shiny to purchase while you're put playing judge today."

"I'll pick something up at Diagon Alley," Mathis chuckled as he stood up to set his dish on the sink.

"Diagon Alley?" Thomas blinked, "The Hell are you going way out there for?"

"Fudge thinks that you and Dumbledore are hiding out together, and, as he no longer feels safe over here, he has asked me to come assist him."

"Because you were both 'viciously' attacked by the same miscreant?" Thomas chortled, "Hoo, I am not gonna get tired of that one."

Mathis smiled as he headed into the front room where the couch and T.V. were, "Yes," He said, and Thomas got up to follow him, leaving his dish on the table, "he thinks that I feel as strongly about catching our attacker as he does," He paused at the door and turned to face Thomas.

"Do you really have to go?" Thomas pouted and shrunk into the much taller man, "Wouldn't you rather stay home and bake cookies with me?"

Mathis smiled and hugged Thomas, "Which reminds me, no magic while I'm gone."

Thomas pulled away and gawked at Mathis, "What! I have to use the muggle devices?"

"If the Government detects magic in my house, they'll investigate. There are instructions by the computer for a couple different games to entertain yourself, as well as how to order a pizza from the telephone."

"I'm so lucky I married a Muggle-Born," Thomas smiled.

"I'll be back tonight," Mathis said, and he kissed Thomas, "Don't break my house," With that, followed by a loud crack, he was gone. Thomas suddenly felt utterly, and horribly, alone.

Thomas walked back into the dining room and stared at the dirty plate he'd left on the table, "Clean yourself," He said hopefully. When nothing happened he sighed and picked it up, along with his empty cup of juice. He set them on the sink in the kitchen, but before he went back into the first room, he got courageous, "I'll bet dishwashers aren't THAT hard to figure out," He picked his cup up. He walked toward the back wall. The dishwasher was on the left under a hanging cupboard that held mixing bowls and spices within it. He pulled open the dishwasher, and was suddenly intimidated by the many (2) racks, and the daunting circular devices on the back of the door. Well it was empty, so he figured the breakfast dishes couldn't be too hard to clean. He pulled open the bottom rack and shoved his cup, open end up, between two prongs that were intended to hold plates, "Yeah, this won't be too hard."

He grabbed the mug that Mathis drank out of. He pondered, for a moment, how to fit the mug in between the prongs. He decided to lay it sideways with the loop inside a prong. He set the two plates, flat, on top of the prongs wherever he could fit them. He slid the rack back and pondered the circles. "Insert soap here," and "Insert back-up soap here." He shrugged and grabbed the liquid dish and hand soaps from behind the faucet. He filled the primary circle with dish soap, because that made sense to him, and the back-up circle with hand soap because, though it didn't make sense to him, he figured back-up meant the machine would use it only if the dish soap didn't work.

He shut the door and pressed the power button. There was a ding and the screen lit up with green words, "Input Degree," Thomas blinked at it. He searched the door and found a dial that said, "light" , "medium" , and "heavy," and spun it to medium. The whole bottom rack looked full, so half power should work, right? Then it asked him for a "Dry Setting." He looked over the machine, and there was another dial with a time setting. Well, he wasn't sure how long the dishwasher needed, but muggle methods were generally inefficient, so he set it for the maximum time: 2 hours. The machine made a gurgling sound, and then it started revving. Thomas smiled, "Check me out! I did the dishes like a muggle!"

He turned and walked out of the kitchen into the front room. The machine made an odd banging noise, but Thomas shrugged and assumed it was doing his job. It was a rather loud machine. He walked down the hall and began doffing his clothes. He dumped them in the white laundry basket outside Mathis' room, and decided he'd figure out the washer after he took a shower. He grabbed a shirt and a pair of slacks from Mathis' closet. Mathis was significantly taller than Thomas, but he figured he should probably be wearing something in case someone came to the door. Mathis lived in a muggle city, so Thomas didn't have to be afraid to answer the door. He set the clothes on the bed and moved for the shower. He could hear the dish washer banging along down the hall, and he smiled at his success.

It was a half hour later when Thomas exited the shower. He dried himself off and opened the bathroom door. He stepped out, and there was a soft, foamy feeling at his feet. He looked down and saw that the floor was covered in white, soapy bubbles. He cocked his head, "That's peculiar." He pulled on a pair of boxers and Mathis' shirt, which draped down to his knees, before grabbing his wand from the head of the bed, just in case, and heading down the hall. He looked down the hall and saw that the entire hall floor was covered in soap bubbles, "What magic is this?"

He started down the hall with his wand raised. When he entered the front room, he noticed clumps of soap bubbles sparsed around the room. They were covering Mathis' couch, and crawling up his T.V. Just then, Thomas noticed how unbearably loud the dishwasher was. He moved slowly into the dining room. The bubbles in this room were almost knee-high. Then he turned to face the kitchen.

"AHH!" He shouted as the tower of bubbles that had formed in the kitchen fell on him. The doorbell rang.

A woman's voice yelled through the door, "Mathis! Are you alright?"

Thomas swished his arms around, being careful not to cast a spell, "Is that a muggle!" He shouted back.

There was a brief pause, "Who's in there?" She asked as she pulled the door open, "Oh my goodness!"

"Wait, wait I'm not sure what danger we're in," Thomas shouted as he battled his way through the bubbles, "Stay low!"

She giggled, "You're one of his friends," She started moving toward the kitchen, "Aren't you?"

"Stay back!" He shouted urgently as he leapt into the front room and grabbed her. She let out a slight scream as he pulled her to the side and stood in front of her. He kept his wand pointed toward the kitchen.

The woman chuckled at him again. He stood up straight and gave her a quizzical look. She walked out from behind him and shut the door. She eyed the bubbles with her emerald colored eyes; her blonde hair was up in a short ponytail. She whistled, "That's one colossal mess there."

"Who are you?" Thomas asked. He lowered his wand.

"Can't you magick up the answer?" She giggled.

"I'm not actually supposed to use magic until Mathis gets home," Thomas said bashfully, "How do you know of magic?"

"Oh Mathis and I go way back," She said, "but we should probably deal with this, and then you should put on some pants." Thomas went beet red and nodded, "Don't worry I'm not looking."

Somehow that didn't make Thomas feel any better, "So what do we do?"

"Well first we gotta shut off the dishwasher," She grinned, "I'm guessing that was your doing?" Thomas nodded timidly, "Don't worry, it's kinda like a 'muggle' rite of passage," She rolled up the sleeves of her blue plaid shirt and made her way for the kitchen, "Try not to breathe the bubbles in," She took a deep breath and pushed into the bubble brigade. Thomas followed her. Moments later he heard a click, and the dishwasher stopped making noise. She pushed a bunch of bubbles away and made a clearing for their torsos. She extended a hand, "Hi!" She said, "I'm Mary."

"I'm Thomas," Thomas replied and shook her hand.

"The Thomas!" She asked excitedly, "As in husband Thomas!"

"Er," Thomas blushed again, "yeah."

"Oh he's told me so much about you!" She jumped over and pulled Thomas into a hug.

"Funny," He shrugged, "I know nothing of you."

"I wouldn't expect so," She said as she released him, "He's very clear, all the time, about how much trouble he'd be in if anyone knew I knew about magic."

"Then why were you so open with me before you knew who I was?" Thomas asked crossly.

She waved it off, "Because no one he doesn't trust ever visits him here. You wizards are very timid of being in muggle neighborhoods."

"You see why?" Thomas laughed.

"It is incredible," Mary surveyed the kitchen, "I must say I've never seen quite an accomplished failed attempt at using the dish washer before."

"Well," Thomas bowed, "when I do, I don't hold back."

She laughed, "Mathis said you were a delight. I am surprised he never introduced us before."

"We can crack that mystery later," Thomas said, "How do we get rid of the bubbles?"

"First," She said, "put your wand away. If you're not supposed to be using magic it's probably a bad idea to have the temptation out," Thomas nodded and moved to put the wand in a pocket before realizing no pocket was there. Mary extended her hand, "Here, I'll hold it."

Hesitantly, Thomas relinquished his wand to Mary. She grinned and put it in her pocket. She turned toward the cupboard over the dishwasher, "He has salt," She said and handed a never-ending salt shaker he and Mathis had purchased a year ago to him. Then she pulled down another identical shaker, "Oh good," She said pleasantly, "He has cinnamon too."

"Are we going to make something?" Thomas asked. She chuckled, and then noticed he was serious. She shook her head and sprinkled some cinnamon on the bubbles. The cinnamon ate through the bubbles, "Fascinating! What magic is this?"

"Science," Mary said proudly, "Salt'll work too, but cinnamon is the best bubble killer there is."

"Why?" Thomas asked.

She shrugged at him, "I dunno. My specialty was never Science, but having two children helps you learn these things."

Thomas sprinkled salt on the bubbles and giggled at the reaction. They set off getting rid of the bubbles, "So what is your specialty, if not this Science?"

"I teach History," She said, "to High Schoolers. It's actually quite fun. What is it you do?"

"I was a detective for the Government," He said, "but now I'm a professional outlaw."

"Mathis is harboring a fugitive?" She gasped, "He must really like you. He just scoffed at me when I asked him to make some speeding tickets go away."

"Speeding tickets?" Thomas asked as they moved into the dining room.

"Yeah," She said, "See, we don't have the ability to fly on brooms, so we drive cars instead. When we go too fast, out police pull us over and we have to pay a fine because we broke the law."

"Oh," Thomas said, "Well I doubt Mathis could have done anything about that."

"I know," She laughed as she moved to the other side of the table, "So what is it you did?"

"Well," Thomas grinned, "what I really did was escape before they could incarcerate me for a crime I didn't commit, but what the papers say I did was 'viciously' attack the Minister for Magic who was visiting from Britain."

"That great oaf," Mary scoffed, "I've read all about him in Mathis' Daily Prophet. He sounds like a big cry baby."

"Oh he is," Thomas said, "He had this idea that because I knew Professor Dumbledore briefly 10 years ago that I'm hiding him," Mary shot him a look and he continued, "I suppose you've read all about that?" She nodded, "Well 10 years ago, before I had made detective, I was an Auror. Well there was this dark wizard in England who was threatening to take down the Ministry. She didn't get very far, and I was sent over to lend my assistance. I met Dumbledore then. He's a very friendly man."

They finished getting rid of the bubbles in the dining room. Mary looked into the front room, "This'll take an expert's hand," She said, "Why don't you grab the mop out of the cupboard and clean up the salt and cinnamon in here. You know how to use a mop, right?"

Thomas chuckled, "Yes, we use mops. Usually they're enchanted, but before I was 17 that was my punishment when I misbehaved."

Mary grinned at him. After mopping, they took wash clothes to all the surfaces and Mary opened up the dishwasher. After laughing profusely, she explained the proper way to stack the dishes inside it and how to use solid dish soap rather than liquid. The two of them sank into the couch and let out loud, pleased sighs.

Thomas had an idea, "Say," He turned to face her, "do you know how to work an oven?"


End file.
